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a save space for the extraordinary

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ordinary

No good in goodbyes

This is not about the amazing song by The Script. But this title always amazed me.

A while back my best friend (let’s call him Dude) asked me to meet him on the nearest playground. It was 10 pm and I just wanted to hang out with someone, so I waited till my parents slept and snug out to see him. The whole night was just fun (Don’t think like that you pervert). We talked about everything! He was the only person I trusted with my feelings. It was like I could just be me…

Around 1 am he suddenly jumped up and said he had to go. I was like ‘okay … sure, whatever’ and he kissed me on the cheek and went. Just like that, I couldn’t really stop him so I went home. The next morning I texted him and he just didn’t reply. For weeks I randomly texted him, but he just ignored me. I went the night through and through in my head and searched for my mistake. When I confronted him in person he just went the other way or talked to someone else instead. I was so frustrated and disappointed. He was my save space, my best friend. Why did he leave? Just like that, without a goodbye?

Half a year went by and I never found out what happened. But a few weeks back I asked a friend (Waiver) of mine (who is also friends with Dude) if he knew anything. He knew about the whole thing (apparently a lot of people knew). Waiver explained to me that as far as he knew the group of friends Dude hung out with didn’t like me (I’ve never met them) and made him decide between me and them. Dude only had those friends, because he was going trough a tough time back then. After I heard about this everything I buried came back up. The rest of my weekend was ruined. I was just miserable and one night I texted Dude…

Honestly I didn’t even expect him to answer, but he did! I gave him hints why I wrote him, said I was disappointed by a guy, but when he asked about details I backed off. Somehow I couldn’t face it… I met him a couple of times since then, but he has changed. Partly good, because he is way happier now and I’m really glad he came out of his dark place. But now I’m not able to talk to him anymore, at least not about the important stuff. I tried to… I did it like before, sent him a quote and normally we discussed the subject after, but now he just answered a simple question mark. It’s like he doesn’t even remember. Every time we text he answers with one or two words. When we meet, their are two kind of moods he can be in. He ignores me and isn’t present or he is the cutest guy ever and makes jokes and acts like your the only person he wants to be with right now.

I can’t figure that guy out…

Can someone give me some advise? Should I confront him to hear his side of the story? But would he even answer honestly? Or stay away as far as possible and try to forget about the whole thing? Please help me…

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Save space

The truth. Just 2 words and so many feelings behind them. I never really thought about it in a deeper sense. I always thought of myself as a honest person, I never lied to people on purpose. But that was just about simple things.

A while ago I suddenly had the urge to tell someone how I truly felt. But then I realised that I don’t know who I should tell. With my best friend I never really talk about deep stuff. The person I talked to before doesn’t talk to me anymore (more about that in No good in goodbyes). And the girl I see more as a sister than a friend, has her own problems and every time I want to talk to her we end up talking about her. It’s so frustrating! I wanna share but I have no one to share it with! So I lie. I tell them I am just fine and bury my feelings deep inside.

So I thought about this blog I started a while ago and kinda abandoned. It was meant to be an inspiration to love but what if I could make it a save space for everyone to load their feelings of and find help and love…

Everyone who wants to can write their honest feelings and problems in an email and I will answer and share it.

Share and love…

 

 

 

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